Penny Gillman

We all come up against our ego at times and that is no bad thing as the Ego is part of our Personality and is thus part of our Higher Self’s choice for this incarnation. It is how the Self sees itself as distinct from the rest of the world and thus involves how we respond or react to situations- whether we can deal with things calmly or whether we allow ourselves to panic, it decides whether we are outgoing or introvert, placid or excitable to name but a view characteristic traits.

All of these things make us who we are, or who our Higher Self has decided we need to have experience of. This doesn’t mean that we are not meant to change once incarnated if what we have chosen pre-birth does not help us to grow and develop.  It is this need to grow and develop that is, I believe, the challenge of the Ego.

Firstly, what do we understand by ego?  Without getting too Freudian it’s the part of the personality which includes our defensive , perceptual and intellectual-cognitive functions.  Translated from the Latin it means ‘I myself’ and can either reflect an exaggerated sense of self importance  or indicate an appropriate sense of pride and self esteem.

There seems to be a very fine line between those last two so for the purposes of this article I will use Ego to mean the former – an exaggerated sense of self importance.

My own understanding, is that Ego, as I have defined it, is situated in what we know as the Lower Self, in other words the first three chakras.  It is essential to our Humanness to have a strong personality, to be grounded (1st Chakra) to have healthy self respect(2nd) and enough self confidence(3rd) to be able to deal with all that Life throws at us.

When our Lower Self is strong in this way we are then able to begin the process of developing  our Higher Self, (5th,6th and 7th chakras) via the ‘bridge’ of our 4th, the Heart.  Then we can begin to transcend the Ego(which on its own is only illusion) and come into who we really are, which is of course Spirit/Soul.

We still retain our uniqueness of Self (ie our indvidual talents, likes  etc )that we have chosen for this lifetime and that form our personality, but do not allow ourselves to become trapped by them and thus trapped in the ego state.

Connecting with our Higher Self allows us to see the Bigger Picture, hear the Wider Message, feel the Unending and unconditional Love.  When this happens we can be compassionately detached from the problems and difficulties of life. That is not to say we will not feel the initial pain, or the hurt, but, atleast,we have the higher self ability to transcend it before it becomes corrosive and thus recognise that it was only a small part of the greater whole.  Indeed, we can often see the problem as an opportunity or gift for our  personal and spiritual growth.  Then we have true mastery and see things for what they really are rather than investing them with the illusion of reality.

If, however, as often happens we get stuck in our Lower Self ,or Ego state, we feel the intensity of the pain, hurt or rejection  continually.  It wears away at us like sandpaper on a piece wood, rubbing us raw and thereby increasing the pain , hurt and rejection even more.  What was first the wonderful potential gift of  spiritual growth becomes instead the hell of  needing to defend ourselves continually against the illusory slights and  put downs that we feel are being hurled at us.

This is when our ego often becomes inflated, as a defence against these hurts  and so we remain imprisoned in our self imposed battlement, constantly  hurting ourselves by believing that others are hurting us.  In truth, no one can hurt us unless we choose to be hurt.  Only we have that power but so often we choose to give it away in our projections onto others.   To make them responsible instead of ourselves.

So, if your ego is telling you that someone has hurt you, or maligned you, or ignored you by doing something, or even not doing something to or for you  then perhaps look at the possibility that you are stuck in your Lower Self , believing this is the only place available to you.  But there is a wonderful world of the Higher Self  just over the Heart Bridge where such hurts cannot and do not  exist because in this higher place there is all the Love and all the Recognition and all the Acceptance  we could ever want or need. And we have them already.  Limitless resources of them. Cascading over us.  What are we waiting for!  Begin that journey to the Higher Self today and leave Ego behind.  Happy travelling!

Hello again! It has been a long time since I added a post to my site and since 2012 dawned a lot has happened in my life to challenge me and rock my world. Yet I believe that 2012 is the year for challenge for many of us as we encounter the amazing heightened energies that this special year brings in preparation for Ascension.  I will share one of these  events with you.

I have sat in (and now run) a closed spiritual circle for nearly 20 years now and many messages to this effect have been channelled, certainly in the last 10 years.  The messages are still coming and this year has certainly delivered its whammy’s and double whammy’s!  No one ever said it was going to be easy being a light worker and by heck, they were right!  Even in the healing world I have had my faith in the institution I have supported and worked for shaken to the very core and have been at various times horrified, saddened, shocked, aghast and any number of similar adjectives that you could name.  I did not react, however, in the way that I might have done several years ago, by barging in with all guns blazing but knew that I had to respond differently, not from my emotional personality-driven ego but from a higher place of love and I thus stepped back and became an observer as the dramas unfolded before my eyes.  I found that this helped me to stay as objective as possible and to recognise that neither ‘side’ or their supporters was wholly ‘right’ or wholly wrong but that in the heat of the moment, when fear and panic and outrage take hold and the moral high ground is sought that even the best can be found wanting.  I learnt that it is easy to condemn others yet no one is perfect and that we all need to see the plank in our own eyes before we try to gouge out the splinter in someone else’s.  It has reinforced in me that it is human to err and that it is not  helpful to judge words and actions made in the heat of the moment. (A hard lesson at times!) It has taught me that we all have  to take personal responsibility  for our thoughts, words and  actions and above all to forgive others for their transgressions in these areas.  This is the healing way, the path of unconditional love and the only certain way of understanding and maintaining  Oneness. Anything else only leads to separation and takes us further from who we really are.

Anger is a human emotion and it has its place but if we cannot move from that anger into understanding and ultimately forgiveness then we remain stuck, either in a place of personal pain, or perhaps even worse, in an anaesthetised no-man’s land with no obvious way out.   My own moments of emotional pain over this issue have mercifully found their resolution in eventual inner peace. I cannot deny it has been very challenging, but also rewarding and I hope that, in the wise sentiments of Neale Donald Walsch, I am more than I was before.

Namaste

This last week has seen the loss of someone of  whom I thought a great deal.  He was just 16, talented, vivacious, energetic with a zest for life and living before Leukaemia bit deep and painfully and he lost his fight to this killer disease.  To lose him seems such a waste when viewed from the human, lower self level, but I know on a soul level that his time to go had already been chosen and that his soul, or essence, now has other work to do on a more subtle level of energy.

There have been thousands of postings on his facebook wall all hoping he is sleeping, or resting in peace and whilst I understand that this is our traditional concept of what happens after death and serves to help many people deal with grief, it is not a concept I share and felt the need to put my own viewpoint on this here.

I believe that far from ‘resting’ and ‘sleeping’ for eternity the soul has more work to do on these higher planes, and that the idea of an eternal repose is actually such a waste of energy and therefore, not actually possible.  Although I understand that the soul needs a time of initial r & r on passing, especially if energy has been depleted through physical illness, this does not last forever and is a precursor to the next stage of the souls journey, which may involve ‘living’ in another energetic dimension for a while, or  helping the progress of others still on the earth plane, or even re-birth in another physical body.

This concept is explored at the end of The Wigapom Quest with the death of a leading character. It explores the pain and sadness at his passing of those left behind, but the ultimate joy of recognising that death is not the end but a beginning of a new form of life on the soul level.

We are all animated by energy. Energy cannot be destroyed.  When the physical casing that houses us in humanity falls away the energy that has animated it is liberated to do other things on other dimensions.  And those dimensions are not ‘up there’ or ‘in the sky’- they are not far away at all but exist alongside us, up close and personal, so to speak, but because they now work at a higher, faster vibration, we are not  so aware of them as we were when they were restricted by physicality.

So there is no RIP, no ‘star’ looking down, although I recognise how that can help others who have been brought up this way.  I hope that one day we will all understand and find comfort from this other way of thinking: namely that ‘life’ goes on after ‘death’, (these are mere concepts after all) but to paraphrase Star Trek, not always as we know it.

‘All souls must undergo transmigration…by being born into another body’ states the quote from Jean Paul Richter that begins the first chapter of The Wigapom Quest.

This, of course, focuses on the ancient concept Reincarnation, and its constant bedfellow of Karma, that are both Eastern philosophies, now heavily embraced by many in the Western world.

Reincarnation has always made total sense to me- if nothing else it is the best form of recycling ever! – and the concept of karma also creates a sense of justice within me- showing that no soul ever ‘gets away with murder’ or indeed any other transgression they may have made in any of  the lives they are, or have inhabited.

Karma is not just payback though, which would seem to stem from a twisted desire for vengeance rather than fairness, and I personally, do not believe in a vengeful deity but embrace an all loving, compassionate energy source that seeks to encourage us, as individuals souls,( who are all still part of The One’) to accept the full ramifications and responsibilities of our choices in the lives we choose to live and to seek to make our own recompense for them, as a means of learning, not punishment.

I believe that the soul creates its own heaven and its own hell and that the latter is not the fire and brimstone hell peopled by devils, demons and other minions of Lucifer but a unique place created by the individual soul, who upon reviewing his previous life with the help of the spiritual elders after death, allow him to recognises his mistakes, transgressions, selfishness, obfuscations and other negative behaviour so that the soul, sadder and wiser now after the event, seeks  to redress and rebalance the  previous situation by, first, some self reflection (which may be ‘ real hell’ to undergo) and then, when the soul recognises that only it and nothing else can lift it from this space of torment, will decide to release itself from its self imposed hell and return in another body, often with those it has wronged from the past and thus seek to set its karmic record straight.

In The Wigapom Quest, I write about  our ‘enemies’ on the earth plane as being those  souls who love us best of all as they provide the greatest challenges that allow us to grow spiritually and be more than we  were before.  They gift their own souls for that particular incarnation and thus allow others, often through suffering, to progress further along their own souls pathway and thus transform or transcend their own karmic deeds.

Of course, all is just potential, and we each have the choice to learn or ignore our soul lessons, but the gift of karma and reincarnation are always available to offer us that chance again to this time ‘get it right’.  How wonderful to know that there are second, third and indeed interminable chances to progress and that the Universe has endless patience with each and every one of us.

So the next time someone does or says something unpleasant in your life, treat this as the gift it is, providing you with the opportunity to break the karmic bonds and progress on a spiritual and  soul level.

When I was a teenager I was always willing the days and weeks to go faster, forever looking forward in time as I impatiently counted off the days  so wishfully marked on the back cover of my  school General Note Book: striking out each passing one with fervent enthusiasm as each mark brought me closer to being at youth club on Thursdays, round a friends on Fridays,  a party or disco on Saturdays with whichever boyfriend was in vogue at the time, and the sociable gang show rehearsals on those magical Sunday afternoons. The other days barely registered with me, being just school and homework filled obstacles to the all important ‘ real life’ I craved, as a junkie craves their next fix.

I kept this ‘habit’ up for ages, always looking forward to what had yet to arrive: ticking off my life as I have, in later years, ticked items off a shopping list.  When I was young there was always tomorrow, in fact years and years of tomorrows strung themselves like golden lights ahead of me, disappearing into the distance and offering never ending fun experiences in a cloud cuckoo land where I would grow older but never grew old , and things would never really change. Why concern myself with the limits of yesterday or the restrictions of today when tomorrow was never ending?

Those halcyon days of course did not last and I find myself now, nearly fifty years further on, wanting to slow down time, to stop the days from passing so quickly, to wring the most out of every fragile, beautiful yet fleeting moment.  To enjoy today before it so quickly becomes yesterday and is gone for ever except in my memories.  At 16 I could barely contemplate getting old- growing up maybe, but growing old? – never.  Yet I am growing old, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.  I see it happening each day, with more crows feet and  more grey hairs staring at me from the mirror, more stiff and aching joints despite my gym classes and glucosamine doing their best to keep them at bay. I don’t want to tick off days anymore, but it’s still happening, like some robotic monster that having started up I now can’t turn off.  I want to hold back the years, to yell to old Cronos to slow down a bit so that I don’t have to slow down so fast.

Unfortunately he too is as old as time and obviously deaf.

There are positive things of course about getting older- heck, there has to be doesn’t there, otherwise we’d all put our heads in the gas oven on reaching thirty!  I have a wonderful grown up family and delight in being a grandmother, but oh dear, even  that makes me sound so old.  Yet how can I be old when in my head at least I’m still young?

There is so much still I want to do, to experience, to feel, to say, to sing, to appreciate and  I’ll make sure I get to do as much of it as I can, but now, as I climb the proverbial hill a bit more, I can see that the view is definitely finite and so I am having to live with that previously ignored reality and make the best of every moment before they run out.  I want that to be a long time in the future, yet the prospect of ageing is not a comfortable one to contemplate and I find  I’m on an emotional treadmill that is harder work getting to grips with than any found at the gym.

Now, I know that my thoughts create my reality, at least my thoughts create  how I  perceive my situation, yet I also know that I can’t think myself 16 again and that I will one day throw off this mortal coil.  I really do believe that death is only a new beginning but I love life so much and  the special people in it that ‘losing’ them, even for paradise is a sobering thought, especially if the run up to paradise means increasing wobbly bits and, worse, losing even the memories of yesterday, or the possibilities of tomorrow if dementia should strike.  That really would mean only inhabiting just the now.  Umm, food for thought there!

Oh what a difference the sum makes to the way we feel- at least, the way I feel.  When it shines, there is no mountain I feel I couldn’t climb, no river I feel I couldn’t cross, no task I couldn’t accomplish.  It brings out the best in me especially positivity to my soul as well as warmth to the all important extremities and as far as I’m concerned it can stay right here till next year.

Well, the books and I were certainly on the stand, if not Wigapom himself, and there was plenty of synchronicity about that day.  I had a really delightful time chatting to loads of people about The Wigapom Quest and met up with some colleagues from the fairly distant past. We swapped our recent life histories and amazed ourselves how our paths had crossed and recrossed,   met strangers that turned out not to be strangers but who were drawn to my stand: amazing coincidences, some might say, but we knew it was Universal synchronicity working behind the scenes.  One lady who felt drawn to visit my stall, although she didnt know why, chatted about my book, and her spiritual path.  It turned out she wrote too, and painted- and that she lived just up the road from me, yet we had never met before, yet she knew not only my Mum (another painter)  via a shared art class, but also Valerie, who did the second review on the cover of my book. She, along with a number of others, bought a copy. I was really delighted to sign it. A small world in deed!

Heather says:

July 27, 2011 at 12:44 pm

Just finished reading ‘The Wigapom Quest’ and find myself somewhat saddened that I had to leave the story and characters behind! Have felt part of the story and totally absorbed by all the twists and turns of the tale. Initially was a little concerned that I could draw some comparisons with Lord of the Rings; for example, Magus/Gandalf, Darq’on/Sauron, Roth Riders/Ring Wraiths,Fynn/Sam, Forbidden wood/Fangorn, but as I moved on through the story, it really began to develop and grow in it’s own right.
Beautifully written, with the most wonderful descriptive language that conjures up such visually spectacular images.
Lots of learning for the individual’s soul and spirit and truly an inspirational text.
Would make a wonderful film….particularly if Peter Jackson directed it!
Well done Penny. Fabulous read. XX

Come on down (as they say!) to the Health and Healing Festival at Charter Hall Colchester, Essex on Saturday from 10-5pm and Sunday 10-12.30, where I will be signing copies of The Wigapo Quest, courtesy of Lee and Peter Searsby of The Magik Thread spiritual books stand.  Really look forward to seeing you- it should be a really super holistic event with loads of MBS stands, talks, workshops and demonstrations- oh and did I mention it?  me signing my book!

I wrote this some time ago and forgot about it but something brought it to my attention again today.  Synchronicity somewhere I expect!

It is a meditation poem, constructed in simple rhyming couplets, and designed as a heart centre visualisation.  As with all relaxing visualisation/meditations, there is a space in the centre for quiet reflection before  making the return journey.  I hope you enjoy it.

Close your eyes, rest your body, take your mind to another place. Just drift and dream and float away, create your own inner space.

Let your breathing carry you there, deep and slow and calm.Just breathing in eternal peace, breathing out all strife and harm.

Slowing down, breath is soft, like a cushioning cloud wrapped round. Soft, secure and mellow, completely safe and sound.

The cushioning cloud of the purest light is soft and warm against your skin. It takes your shape effortlessly and helps you go within.

So settle within  this cushion of light, deep and pure and strong. Let it carry you to your inner garden and assist your life’s journey along.

Just lift the latch and open the gate and enter this tranquillity. Then close the gate behind you and move forward with gentle agility.

Your inner garden is heart shaped, there’s greenness all around. The flowers smell sweet, the colours are clear, you hear only the gentlest sounds.

Move along your inner pathway, find that special part. Know that when you get there, you have found your truest heart.

The softest pink, the gentlest green, the glowing open way. The kindest warmth, most loving space that will always, always stay.

Go deep within, the light glows clearer, suddenly, all is white. Blissful thoughts, blissful feelings, blissful dreams, all open and bright.

You hold this bliss, deep inside, and yet it spreads out far. Through yourself, beyond yourself, to the furthest healing star.

Silver shining, radiant beams illumine all around. You see the love,  you feel the love, you hear its healing sound.

Like bells upon a meadow, or birds high in the sky. Or the gentle sound of rain or a breeze whispering by.

Hold the sound, hold the light, hold the feeling of this place. It is your own inner heart, but connected to external space.

Everywhere is part of you, and you are every thing. All is one – one is all, feel the completeness that this brings.

Rest here awhile, absorb the oneness, enjoy your inner world. When it’s time to go, I’ll let you know, but for now, let loving wisdom unfurl…

(take time here for some moments of silence before completing the meditation poem)

…You’ve found your heartspace, you know it’s there, always, whenever you choose. You can often return, and feel calm again, to just drift and dream and muse.

But for now the real world beckons, normality needs to return. And  you can turn and face the world, and live what you have just learned:

That all the world is joined together, by vibrating energy. There is no space, no separation, all hearts entrain in perfect synergy.

This inner wisdom helps you now see the good in everyone. So you can spread your light, your peace, your love, to radiate like the purest golden sun.

Come gently back, through the garden in your mind, bring back your loving heart. Walk once more through your inner gate, and prepare, ready to depart.

Your feet touch the gentle earth, you feel yourself inspired. With light, with love , with energy, with every kind thought you desire.

Slowly let your fingertips tingle, feel feet firm on the ground, and strong. As the vibrant living energy brings you back where you belong.

Legs, and feet, hands and arms, pulse with life again. Feeling great, feeling good, come back to earth again.

Open your eyes, have a stretch, be in touch with all you are seeing. Energy returns, you are back in today, as a loving human being.